Basil: Good morning Madam. Can I help you?
Mrs Richards: Are you the manager?
Basil: I am the owner, Madam.
Mrs Richards: What?
Basil: I am the owner.
Mrs Richards: I want to speak to the manager.
Basil: I am the manager too.
Mrs Richards: What?
Basil: I am the manager as well.
Manuel: Mana(h)er, him mana(h)er!
Basil: Shut up!
Mrs Richards: Oh…! You’re What!
Basil: …. I’m the manager.
Mrs Richards: Watt?
Basil: I’m … the … manager.
Mrs Richards: Yes, I know, you’ve just told me, what’s the matter with you? Now listen to me. I’ve booked a room with a bath. When I book a room with a bath I expect to get a bath.
Basil: You’ve got a bath.
Mrs Richards: I’m not paying seven pounds twenty pence per night plus VAT for a room without a bath.
Basil: There is your bath.
Mrs Richards: You call that a bath? It’s not big enough to drown a mouse. It’s disgaceful.
Basil: (muttering) I wish you were a mouse, I’d show you.
Mrs Richards: And another thing – I asked for a room with a view.
Basil: (to himself) Deaf, mad and blind. This is the view as far as I can remember, madam. Yes, this is it.
Mrs Richards: When I pay for a view I expect something more interesting than that.
Basil: That is Torquay, Madam.
Mrs Richards: Well, it’s not good enough.
Basil: Well … may I ask what you were hoping to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeeste sweeping majestically … ?
Mrs Richards: Don’t be silly. I expect to be able to see the sea.
Basil: You can see the sea. It’s over there between the land and the sky
Mrs Richards: I’d need a telescope to see that.
Basil: Well perhaps you should consider moving to a hotel closer to the sea. Or preferably in it.
Mrs Richards: Now listen to me; I’m not satisfied, but I have decided to stay here. However, I shall expect a reduction.
Basil: Why? Because Krakatoa’s not erupting at the moment?
Mrs Richards: Because the room is cold, the bath is too small, the view is invisible and the radio doesn’t work.
Basil: No, the radio works. You don’t.
Mrs Richards: What?
Basil: I’ll see if I can fix it, you scabby old bat.
[He turns the radio on to the limit.]
Basil: I think we got something then!
Mrs Richards: What!
Basil: I think we got something then!
Mrs Richards: What are you doing?
Manuel: Qué?
Basil: Madam, ….. don’t think me rude, but may I ask …. do you by chance have a hearing aid?
Mrs Richards: A what?
Basil: A hearing aid!!!
Mrs Richards: Yes, I do have a hearing aid.
Basil: Would you like me to get it mended?
Mrs Richards: Mended? It’s working perfectly all right.
Basil: No, it isn’t.
Mrs Richards: I haven’t got it turned on at the moment.
Basil: Why not?
Mrs Richards: The battery runs down. Now what sort of reduction are you going to give me on this room?
Basil: (whispering) sixty per cent if you turn that on.
Mrs Richards: What?
Basil: My wife handles all such matters, I’m sure she will be delighted to discuss it with you.
Mrs Richards: I shall speak to her after lunch.
Basil: You heard that all right, didn’t you.
Mrs Richards: What?
Basil: Thank you so much. Lunch will be served at half past twelve. … Manuel Manuel!
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| What’s the matter with you? | Che c’é con Lei? Qualé il Suo problema? |
| to book something | prenotare qualcosa |
| to expect | aspettarsi, prevedere |
| VAT | IVA |
| disgraceful | vegognoso, scandaloso |
| to mutter | borbottare |
| view | panorama |
| as far as I can remember | per quanto io mi ricordo |
| a heard of | una mandria (di animali) |
| wildebeest | gnu |
| to sweep | dilagare |
| majestically | maestosamente |
| to consider | considerare |
| satisfied | soddisfatto |
| reduction | riduzione |
| to erupt | eruzione |
| invisible | invisibile |
| scabby | crostoso |
| hearing aid | apparecchio acustico |
| to get something mended | avere qualcosa riparato |
| battery | batteria |
| to run down | scaricare |
| to be delighted to | essere felice di |
| to discuss | discutere |
